Double-you Tee Eff.

So, as I was walking home from work today, I stopped in the local high school football field. I looked around me, at the homes, at the lady jogging, at the kids playing at Craig park. I looked above me, at the trees, at the clouds, at the blue sky, at the sun. And in the few minutes this took me, I was thinking... wow, I'm insignificant and small. All but a handful of people would be completely ignorant of my death if I were to die in my sleep tonight. And it's the same for most people, people who'll die while I'm sleeping tonight and I have no idea. Man truly is a small creature when compared to the planet we inhabit and the number of species which dot it's various environments.

I resumed my trek homeward... and another thought struck me...

What the fuck was all that angsty, pretentious bullshit doing in my head?

Everyone together now!

My kitten's sleeping in my lap as I type this. She's so damned adorable!

Here she is!

And, because I never got around to posting them before.

Picciture
'Nother picciture
Interested

Oh, today's off to a good start.

I fell down in the shower this morning and bent the shit out o' the curtain rod. (-_-)

It's the weirdest fuckin' thing

To start with, I realize the only things I seem to post are negative in nature, but, the only times I have something worth blogging about, it's bad. I've been working on it, though, and I've just plain not made posts because I don't want all... well, the two of you to think I'm some whiny bitch who complains about his life constantly. But, I realized something mere minutes ago that I just felt like sharing, so, bear with me.


I made it through work today without anything going wrong. I mean, nothing. It was perfect, and beautiful. By all ways of looking at it, it's been a good day. Hell, I even finally got my new glasses, since my other pair broke last Saturday.

But, despite that, I'm not happy. And I started thinking... I'm rarely ever happy anymore. I mean, it's not often that I'm particularly unhappy, I'm just not happy. Hell, I'm not even content. I just kind of... am.

But, alas, there's not much I can do. Hold and love my kitten, at this very moment. Play my vidgames, work on my songs when I can, and keep livin'. Maybe by dumb chance I'll stumble across something that'll make me happy again.

Emo.

EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO-EMO
Someone save me from myself?

So who can explain this to me?

You ever have somebody think something about you that you don't understand? And I mean just about everybody. Allow me to elaborate...

So, all through high school everyone thought I was some kind o' bad ass, a nutcase who might flip and shoot up the school at any moment, or both. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure. Let's examine the first one... me being a bad ass. Now, of the two things we're discussing, this is the one I can almost comprehend.

But, I'm not.

It's as simple as that. I'm not, I don't go out of my way looking for fights, hell, I haven't been in a fight since the sixth grade [which I lost, by the way]. But no one would mess with me because they all thought I would kick their ass. WHY?! I mean, no complaints, it kept bullies off my back. Sure, people would make fun of me, but if I heard them they'd go the other way. Now, as I said, I can almost understand this. But, the reasoning seems nonsensical to me. The closest I can figure is that I'm intimidating for some reason [which, as far as I can tell, is true, as a friend of mine told me straight up that I scared her (-_-)]. I don't know why, I look like a faget, what's intimidating about that? I'm gonna run up and fuck 'em in the ass through their jeans? Oh noes, run! Another thing, which is probably helpful with the whole intimidation stuff, since the seventh grade I've been bigger than just about everyone. But, again, I still don't quite get how all that makes me "scary". I'm not! And as far as I can tell it must have started sometime in the 6th or 7th grade, cause I had a habit of not doing stupid shit and not keeping my mouth shut when teachers tried to feed me bullshit. So, I had a lot of detentions and a looooot of time spent in the ISS room [In-School Suspension].

Then, there's the other thing, the belief that I'm a loose cannon and crazy. Again, I'm not. It's illogical to run up in the school shooting everyone cause some pussy-ass motherfuckers made fun of my earrings. It's just plain not good thinkin'. But this one is the most bizarre, because, it must be something about my mannerisms. Further explanation: all through the better part of middle school and high school people thought this about me. Obviously, once it started it just went on each year because it was the same people with the same idea telling anyone else who didn't know me. Fine, so, after I dropped out of high school and started working at the movie theatre, I never really thought about it again. But, I found out recently that the people at work were worried I was gonna get fired cause I was gonna yell at my boss. (o.O) Why? Because they thought he was gonna yell at me, and figured me to be the type o' cat not to take that and yell back at me. Why? I mean, obviously, it's not on the same level as me coming in and shooting up the school, but, it's still pretty damned illogical. That's a sure way to get your ass fired, yellin' at the boss. It's known as insubordination, and I should know, I got written up for it a lot in middle school. So why do they think I'm crazy enough to yell at my boss? As I said, it has got to be something in my mannerisms, or possibly my appearance, because everyone I work with is already in college, or beyond college, so they didn't know me in high school. So, what the hell? What is it about me that is so damned scary?

I dunno I'm just rambling.


-Sixty X Celph