Friday, November 13, 2009
Hoooly shit
It has been FOR-fucking-EVER. I keep meaning to come back to this and something happens, I get distracted, just somethin', y'know? But, I am still alive! I still have access to a computer! I'm still playing vidgames and watching movies! I'm saving up for a car, but, I suck at saving money and not buying stuff to make me feel better, so, it's slow. I've been working, whee for gas stations, but, I am apparently DA BOMB at it, which is not necessarily a great thing. But I've been working at the one right by my house while I'm waiting for the new store to open, where I will then go to work. Visiting my darling girlfriend, Miss Jess'ka, whenever I can. With any luck we'll even be getting an apartment together soon, which would be rad. I miss her whenever she's not around. But, yeah. Random news! I've grown quite fond of Arizona green tea with ginseng and honey. Mmmmmm. But, hopefully I'll be posting some new stuff more frequently. I'm not sure what yet. Some review stuff, maybe? I dunno, there's a lot of stuff I'm trying to get around and settled in life, so, working on reviews and things of that sort kind of take a backseat. As is apparent with the nigh shutdown of my YouTube account. A complete lack of activity. For which I am sad. But, I am trying, so, whee, let's all cross our fingers!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Two in one night, oh joy!
I worry that anything I say or do may influence the way people talk to me and the things people say to me. It's the reason I tend to keep a lot of complaints and opinions to myself.
Like, I'll say something, express some opinion, and from then on whomever I was speaking with or around when I said whatever will think to themselves, "Oh, well, I'll just keep this to myself from now. I won't mention it to him."
I don't want that to happen. I worry about that happening.
Like, I'll say something, express some opinion, and from then on whomever I was speaking with or around when I said whatever will think to themselves, "Oh, well, I'll just keep this to myself from now. I won't mention it to him."
I don't want that to happen. I worry about that happening.
An opinion about an argument.
So, let's have us a little chat.
About abortion.
Okay, not really about abortion. About a particular argument oft used when arguing about abortion:
"You don't get to have an opinion on this because you're not a woman."
First of all, fuck you. You may not feel that my opinion is valid, because I'm a male and thus can not actually birth a child. You're welcome to feel that way. But don't tell me I can't have a gods damned opinion. I can have an opinion about anything I want.
On that note, I often do have an opinion on anything and everything.
Do I think men should be making final decisions on the topic of abortion? Oh, hell no. For the same reasons I'm told I can't have an opinion. No man should be telling a woman whether or not she must have a baby. But he can gods damned well have an opinion on the matter.
Y'ever notice how that particular proclamation generally only comes about once a woman' run out of clear, valid arguments? Or come to a point they can't really disagree with or argue against? Yeah.
It's akin to when your 'rents would tell you, "Because I said so!"
It just irks me. There is no good reason why I can't have an opinion on the matter. And, as far as I'm concerned, no reason why my opinion is not as valid as the majority of women out there.
About abortion.
Okay, not really about abortion. About a particular argument oft used when arguing about abortion:
"You don't get to have an opinion on this because you're not a woman."
First of all, fuck you. You may not feel that my opinion is valid, because I'm a male and thus can not actually birth a child. You're welcome to feel that way. But don't tell me I can't have a gods damned opinion. I can have an opinion about anything I want.
On that note, I often do have an opinion on anything and everything.
Do I think men should be making final decisions on the topic of abortion? Oh, hell no. For the same reasons I'm told I can't have an opinion. No man should be telling a woman whether or not she must have a baby. But he can gods damned well have an opinion on the matter.
Y'ever notice how that particular proclamation generally only comes about once a woman' run out of clear, valid arguments? Or come to a point they can't really disagree with or argue against? Yeah.
It's akin to when your 'rents would tell you, "Because I said so!"
It just irks me. There is no good reason why I can't have an opinion on the matter. And, as far as I'm concerned, no reason why my opinion is not as valid as the majority of women out there.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Inebriation and Paranoia
Allow me to preface this by saying that, with the exception of the post made on the seventh, nothing recently has really been about anyone specifically. Except for this preface, which is really to mein Jess'ka and mein chickadee. =P No one did anything that upset me and sent me on a blogging spree. Promise.
On that note, though, it's not so much that I get particularly upset about people getting drunk, unless it's something that occurs often. It's just that I'm paranoid. And it's not even necessarily that I'm worried about a drunk friend doing something, it's as much that I'm worried about something being done to them, ya dig?
Also, this is a good time to say that this mostly applies to when they're drunk and I'm not there with them. If I'm there, aussi, I feel more secure and I feel more like I could help. I could maybe stop them from doing something stupid and hurting themselves or help them if a situation arose in which they needed help. So, that concept, idea, thing applies to both this and my last entry on inebriation. If I'm there, I'm far less concerned about it.
But, where was I? Oh, yes, my paranoia. Right, I worry a lot. Like, a whole lot. Irritatingly so. I worry about absolutely retarded things happening. And, as stated in the last one on a similar topic, bad things are more likely to happen when a person is inebriated. It opens certain windows of opportunity. And I'm quite the paranoid motherfucker. I realize, in rereading it and based on responses to it, that it seems I'm placing all kinds of negativity on drunk people. "Ohhh, you're drunk, you're a bad person and you're going to do terribly, awful, bad things." It's not that at all. Okay, that's not true, that's part of it. But, far more of a concern on my mind is "Oh, you're drunk, blackouts/passouts are quite likely. You may get hurt." So, while I worry about whether or not a person may make a bad decision [and believe me, there's a particular concern there, remember, trust issues], I'm far more worried about whether or not something bad is merely going to happen, whether it's the drunk person's decision or not.
And all of that, to say again, is really only when I'm not there, aussi. When I can't know what's going on.
On that note, though, it's not so much that I get particularly upset about people getting drunk, unless it's something that occurs often. It's just that I'm paranoid. And it's not even necessarily that I'm worried about a drunk friend doing something, it's as much that I'm worried about something being done to them, ya dig?
Also, this is a good time to say that this mostly applies to when they're drunk and I'm not there with them. If I'm there, aussi, I feel more secure and I feel more like I could help. I could maybe stop them from doing something stupid and hurting themselves or help them if a situation arose in which they needed help. So, that concept, idea, thing applies to both this and my last entry on inebriation. If I'm there, I'm far less concerned about it.
But, where was I? Oh, yes, my paranoia. Right, I worry a lot. Like, a whole lot. Irritatingly so. I worry about absolutely retarded things happening. And, as stated in the last one on a similar topic, bad things are more likely to happen when a person is inebriated. It opens certain windows of opportunity. And I'm quite the paranoid motherfucker. I realize, in rereading it and based on responses to it, that it seems I'm placing all kinds of negativity on drunk people. "Ohhh, you're drunk, you're a bad person and you're going to do terribly, awful, bad things." It's not that at all. Okay, that's not true, that's part of it. But, far more of a concern on my mind is "Oh, you're drunk, blackouts/passouts are quite likely. You may get hurt." So, while I worry about whether or not a person may make a bad decision [and believe me, there's a particular concern there, remember, trust issues], I'm far more worried about whether or not something bad is merely going to happen, whether it's the drunk person's decision or not.
And all of that, to say again, is really only when I'm not there, aussi. When I can't know what's going on.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Death of An Angel.
An Angel was born the seventh of February, 1981.
An Angel died the sixth of July, 2009.
I had ideas when I opened Notepad of what to write. I don't anymore, though. Part of it is I don't necessarily feel like I have any right to say anything. Inqy's husband and daughter are certainly in far worse pain than I am. Inqy had much closer friends who are certainly in far worse pain than I am.
Then, there's the point that I haven't talked to her in a long while. Largely because of a very petty move on my part which I don't even know if she was aware of occuring. And to that point, I don't even know if she remembers me at all. Or ever thought about me. And I didn't make much of an effort to contact her too often because I assumed she did not, had not. I assumed she was better off without me bothering her.
But, when I heard about her death last night, the news rendered me in such a state that I could not explain to my Jess'ka why I was crying because I was having difficulty speaking.
In short, I am conflicted.
And here I am, again, unsure what to say.
Today has been strange. No one I interact with on a day-to-day basis, excluding when I sign in come evening, knows who Angel Yates is. They don't know that this delightful, funny, terrifically talented artist died yesterday morning. They don't know how many people are hurting from this. A human being copes better if they have someone with which they can share their pain because they feel it, aussi. Hence the existence of funerals and wakes. I do not have this. Luckily, I am well-equipped to handle myself. But it makes the day strange.
There is a memorial service in Sarasota, Florida, on the eleventh of July, 2009, for an Angel who died. It is impossible for me to be there to pay my respects in person. But she will be missed terribly by many people. She was a wonderful friend while I had the honor. My best wishes go to Roley and Jubee in her absence.
http://inqy.in/
http://wickedalchemy.net/
http://onnachance.com/
An Angel died the sixth of July, 2009.
I had ideas when I opened Notepad of what to write. I don't anymore, though. Part of it is I don't necessarily feel like I have any right to say anything. Inqy's husband and daughter are certainly in far worse pain than I am. Inqy had much closer friends who are certainly in far worse pain than I am.
Then, there's the point that I haven't talked to her in a long while. Largely because of a very petty move on my part which I don't even know if she was aware of occuring. And to that point, I don't even know if she remembers me at all. Or ever thought about me. And I didn't make much of an effort to contact her too often because I assumed she did not, had not. I assumed she was better off without me bothering her.
But, when I heard about her death last night, the news rendered me in such a state that I could not explain to my Jess'ka why I was crying because I was having difficulty speaking.
In short, I am conflicted.
And here I am, again, unsure what to say.
Today has been strange. No one I interact with on a day-to-day basis, excluding when I sign in come evening, knows who Angel Yates is. They don't know that this delightful, funny, terrifically talented artist died yesterday morning. They don't know how many people are hurting from this. A human being copes better if they have someone with which they can share their pain because they feel it, aussi. Hence the existence of funerals and wakes. I do not have this. Luckily, I am well-equipped to handle myself. But it makes the day strange.
There is a memorial service in Sarasota, Florida, on the eleventh of July, 2009, for an Angel who died. It is impossible for me to be there to pay my respects in person. But she will be missed terribly by many people. She was a wonderful friend while I had the honor. My best wishes go to Roley and Jubee in her absence.
http://inqy.in/
http://wickedalchemy.net/
http://onnachance.com/
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Inebriation and Trustworthiness
Let us take a moment and consider a correlation betwixt inebriation and trustworthiness, insofar as I am concerned.
My trust can sometimes be finicky. At least, in how I decide whom to trust and how much to trust them. It would be incorrect to say that it is difficult for me to trust people, because there are some instances where I feel comfortable enough to trust someone nigh entirely nigh immediately. But, it would also be incorrect to say that I trust people easily. There are some instances where I never trust a person. It's case-by-case, and largely a subconscious decision, to begin with. It can be altered by actions in the course of a relationship, usually to the detriment of my level of trust in the person.
Alcohol. Can be tasty, but, too much can cause a lowering or utter lack of inhibitions. Or, substandard judgment. Perhaps one could go so far as to say alcohol lowers morality? However you phrase it, it does that for a time. A relatively short period of time; a day at most.
But, in that period of time, my trust in a person, even if it's utter and nigh complete, dwindles to nothing. I do not feel I can trust someone to be the person I know. I do not feel I can trust someone to not hurt themselves. I do not feel I can trust someone to not hurt other people. I do not feel I can trust someone to remain faithful.
And that's the correlation betwixt inebriation and trustworthiness. As level of inebriation rises, level of trustworthiness lowers. As far as I am concerned, anyway.
And that's one problem I have with people getting drunk. I'll have to explain what constitutes being called drunk in my opinion, as opposed to tipsy and all that, since it seems to differ person to person. But, that'll have to be another time.
My trust can sometimes be finicky. At least, in how I decide whom to trust and how much to trust them. It would be incorrect to say that it is difficult for me to trust people, because there are some instances where I feel comfortable enough to trust someone nigh entirely nigh immediately. But, it would also be incorrect to say that I trust people easily. There are some instances where I never trust a person. It's case-by-case, and largely a subconscious decision, to begin with. It can be altered by actions in the course of a relationship, usually to the detriment of my level of trust in the person.
Alcohol. Can be tasty, but, too much can cause a lowering or utter lack of inhibitions. Or, substandard judgment. Perhaps one could go so far as to say alcohol lowers morality? However you phrase it, it does that for a time. A relatively short period of time; a day at most.
But, in that period of time, my trust in a person, even if it's utter and nigh complete, dwindles to nothing. I do not feel I can trust someone to be the person I know. I do not feel I can trust someone to not hurt themselves. I do not feel I can trust someone to not hurt other people. I do not feel I can trust someone to remain faithful.
And that's the correlation betwixt inebriation and trustworthiness. As level of inebriation rises, level of trustworthiness lowers. As far as I am concerned, anyway.
And that's one problem I have with people getting drunk. I'll have to explain what constitutes being called drunk in my opinion, as opposed to tipsy and all that, since it seems to differ person to person. But, that'll have to be another time.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Breaking News: People are still shit.
Every now and again I'll try following the news again; I'll start reading the newspaper, reading articles on the Newsfeed on my Wii, that sort of thing. It never lasts long, though, because invariably I come across some piece of news that just pisses me the fuck off. Some rape, some murder, some abuse, some terrible combination of the three. And all my resolve to keep up with the news dissolves. Always happens, usually within a couple days. The longest I've managed to go without coming across such a story is a week.
So, I started again over this past weekend, and, lo and behold, on the 29th, in my local paper, there ran this story: 26-year-old man kidnaps and attempts to rape six-year-old girl. I'd love to link you, but, you can feel free to look up whatever details you can find about dear old Justin Shine of Massachusetts.
Yep. My hate for people remains strong. And now, because I started thinking about that again, my thoughts have turned quite dark for the day.
I've been reading a Kurt Vonnegut book called Cat's Cradle, and there's a method of capital punishment that I am currently inclined to agree with. It's simply called "the hook", and how it works is you pierce a person's stomach, from one side to the other, on a large hook and then you hang them from it, face-up, until they die. Maybe I'm just a violent person, but, I rather like the sound of that when I'm in one of these moods.
Let's hope my thoughts and mood improve before this evening.
So, I started again over this past weekend, and, lo and behold, on the 29th, in my local paper, there ran this story: 26-year-old man kidnaps and attempts to rape six-year-old girl. I'd love to link you, but, you can feel free to look up whatever details you can find about dear old Justin Shine of Massachusetts.
Yep. My hate for people remains strong. And now, because I started thinking about that again, my thoughts have turned quite dark for the day.
I've been reading a Kurt Vonnegut book called Cat's Cradle, and there's a method of capital punishment that I am currently inclined to agree with. It's simply called "the hook", and how it works is you pierce a person's stomach, from one side to the other, on a large hook and then you hang them from it, face-up, until they die. Maybe I'm just a violent person, but, I rather like the sound of that when I'm in one of these moods.
Let's hope my thoughts and mood improve before this evening.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Imagine that, this thing's still around.
So, I'm told I've been ignoring my blog. Or neglecting my blog. Or no such accusations were made, but, I was told I should write a new blog post. To be perfectly honest, I was surprised by this. But, we've been over all of that in a previous entry, so, let's just move on.
So, I've been neglecting the blog, or at least not posting anything new. And that's simply because I don't have much else new to post. I mean, I haven't been watching any new movies as of late, been far, far too broke. I did post that E3 Microsoft press conference thing, and fully intended to post one for Nintendo and Sony, aussi, but I never got around to it and it just got to a point where it seemed to be far too late to actually post it, so... I just didn't. Had everything that I had intended to type up and post, but... yeah, too late by this point, I figure.
Which leaves what these blogs started out as when they were first invented, whichever website was first. Blogging, weblogging, a journal on the internets. Yeah, I don't lead a life interesting enough to warrant trying to post anything about it at all. And even if I did, it would quickly become the same thing repeated quite often. The joys of living far away from people and being unemployed. Not to mention, I just suck at keeping a journal. I always have trouble remembering everything that happened withing the day, and I always feel like I'm forgetting something. Always, always, always. So, that just doesn't work for me, I just don't think I have it in me to make a written record of everything I do. Because I don't do anything, haha. Usually [not always, because there have been instances in which I have not] I'll post a big, long blog if anything worth sharing happens. And speaking of sharing, let us move on to another reason, shall we?
Sharing. I'm not sure when it happened, but, somewhere over the past few years I stopped being quite as open about everything. I mean, I still don't have secrets, but, they're not as readily available. They actually have to be inquired into, they're not directly offered. And now, I'm slowly coming to terms with and realizing that people pay attention to the things I say. Not just here, but, anywhere remotely public. Facebook status messages are another good example. I have to watch what I say, or how I say it, because people are listening [I just need the tinfoil hat now, huh?] Figuratively speaking, of course, nothing's actually being said or heard [except for the sounds of my typing, sorry Miss Jess'ka! =P], it's all text. But you know what I mean! So, that sometimes kills some things I could type about, when I've wanted to type about them. Because someone may actually read it. And, I know, don't get started on "Well, that's the point, otherwise, why are you posting it to the internets?" Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mmkay, right on, how about what I've done before, picking some abstract topic, nothing specific to anyone, but just something on my mind that I want to talk about? Well... yeah, everything I've thought about lately has either just been too whiney or just sounds stupid as something to talk about. I know that being whiney and emo has not stopped me in the past, but, I really don't want that to be me, y'know? And I feel like a tool every time I do it, I hate bitching about things, so, no, I'm not going to do that. No.
Okay, how about some of the things I said I would do? There were some game reviews I said I would probably do here on this blog, as well as some thoughts and opinions on this band I've never heard of before. But, alas, I just simply haven't felt like doing them. And I'm a shithead. A smart shithead, though, who never actually said when these things would be done, though, y'see. Because, let's face it, this is a hobby. Posting my opinions [for all two of you to actually read] doesn't really accomplish besides allowing me to kill some time. It's not a job or anything, so, whee for slacking off when I simply don't feel like it. Which is unfortunate for anyone who was looking forward to [seriously?] anything I have to say. And I still maintain that some day I'll get back into doing so, but, for right now I'm far too invested in other things in life.
Well, then we're in a little bit of pickle, Dick. Because that leaves me without many options. Sure, I could go on a verbose diatribe about why I've not been posting [CHECK!] But, then what? Where does this go from here? If I ever watch a new movie again, there'll be a new mini-review [what number are we on, anyway?] If I ever do anything again, and I feel it's something anyone cares to read about, I'll have something to share right? Assuming it's something I'm allowed to share. (^_~) But as it stands right now, I just don't have anything.
But, I'll get back to you on that. I'm still around, promise. And who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll think of some topic to type about. Maybe I'll post something about the books I've read lately, as I got around to requesting a new library card, so, I've been readin' bookz wit' werdz in 'em. We'll see, we'll see.
I don't know where I was intending to go with this, I kind o' just started with that first paragraph and went from there, stream-of-consciousness style. My bad if it's too long.
So, I've been neglecting the blog, or at least not posting anything new. And that's simply because I don't have much else new to post. I mean, I haven't been watching any new movies as of late, been far, far too broke. I did post that E3 Microsoft press conference thing, and fully intended to post one for Nintendo and Sony, aussi, but I never got around to it and it just got to a point where it seemed to be far too late to actually post it, so... I just didn't. Had everything that I had intended to type up and post, but... yeah, too late by this point, I figure.
Which leaves what these blogs started out as when they were first invented, whichever website was first. Blogging, weblogging, a journal on the internets. Yeah, I don't lead a life interesting enough to warrant trying to post anything about it at all. And even if I did, it would quickly become the same thing repeated quite often. The joys of living far away from people and being unemployed. Not to mention, I just suck at keeping a journal. I always have trouble remembering everything that happened withing the day, and I always feel like I'm forgetting something. Always, always, always. So, that just doesn't work for me, I just don't think I have it in me to make a written record of everything I do. Because I don't do anything, haha. Usually [not always, because there have been instances in which I have not] I'll post a big, long blog if anything worth sharing happens. And speaking of sharing, let us move on to another reason, shall we?
Sharing. I'm not sure when it happened, but, somewhere over the past few years I stopped being quite as open about everything. I mean, I still don't have secrets, but, they're not as readily available. They actually have to be inquired into, they're not directly offered. And now, I'm slowly coming to terms with and realizing that people pay attention to the things I say. Not just here, but, anywhere remotely public. Facebook status messages are another good example. I have to watch what I say, or how I say it, because people are listening [I just need the tinfoil hat now, huh?] Figuratively speaking, of course, nothing's actually being said or heard [except for the sounds of my typing, sorry Miss Jess'ka! =P], it's all text. But you know what I mean! So, that sometimes kills some things I could type about, when I've wanted to type about them. Because someone may actually read it. And, I know, don't get started on "Well, that's the point, otherwise, why are you posting it to the internets?" Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mmkay, right on, how about what I've done before, picking some abstract topic, nothing specific to anyone, but just something on my mind that I want to talk about? Well... yeah, everything I've thought about lately has either just been too whiney or just sounds stupid as something to talk about. I know that being whiney and emo has not stopped me in the past, but, I really don't want that to be me, y'know? And I feel like a tool every time I do it, I hate bitching about things, so, no, I'm not going to do that. No.
Okay, how about some of the things I said I would do? There were some game reviews I said I would probably do here on this blog, as well as some thoughts and opinions on this band I've never heard of before. But, alas, I just simply haven't felt like doing them. And I'm a shithead. A smart shithead, though, who never actually said when these things would be done, though, y'see. Because, let's face it, this is a hobby. Posting my opinions [for all two of you to actually read] doesn't really accomplish besides allowing me to kill some time. It's not a job or anything, so, whee for slacking off when I simply don't feel like it. Which is unfortunate for anyone who was looking forward to [seriously?] anything I have to say. And I still maintain that some day I'll get back into doing so, but, for right now I'm far too invested in other things in life.
Well, then we're in a little bit of pickle, Dick. Because that leaves me without many options. Sure, I could go on a verbose diatribe about why I've not been posting [CHECK!] But, then what? Where does this go from here? If I ever watch a new movie again, there'll be a new mini-review [what number are we on, anyway?] If I ever do anything again, and I feel it's something anyone cares to read about, I'll have something to share right? Assuming it's something I'm allowed to share. (^_~) But as it stands right now, I just don't have anything.
But, I'll get back to you on that. I'm still around, promise. And who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll think of some topic to type about. Maybe I'll post something about the books I've read lately, as I got around to requesting a new library card, so, I've been readin' bookz wit' werdz in 'em. We'll see, we'll see.
I don't know where I was intending to go with this, I kind o' just started with that first paragraph and went from there, stream-of-consciousness style. My bad if it's too long.
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