New vid

'Nough said.

Little Piece O' Convo

Sixty X Celph says:
Need me some o' that Kool-Aid pie... the cat just ran off with my fork...

Mr. Grape says:
LMFAO!

Mr. Grape says:
Now that's a quote!

Mr. Grape says:
That should be your next Blogspot entry, haha!

Sixty X Celph says:
Hah!

Mr. Grape says:
So did you get your fork back?

Sixty X Celph says:
I did, by the gods.

Sixty X Celph says:
She picked it up, took it, set it down, and began to play with it, haha

Mr. Grape says:
Wow, my kitty never did anything close to that, lol.

Sixty X Celph says:
Haha

Sixty X Celph says:
She's such a silly fatty

Mr. Grape says:
She should have went for the pie instead!

Sorry, y'all.

I haven't typed up a weblog nor have I uploaded a new vid to YouTube in awhile. Sorry, y'all.

I just haven't been doing anything much lately, so, nothing to talk about. Been lazin' about watchin' movies and playin' vidgames. Been kind of down and boring. Which wasn't helped by my decision to watch Boys Don't Cry, which is a terribly tragic film and just made me even more depressed. And angry, because I hate people.

In good news, fourth season of Weeds started on Monday, so that was pretty nifty. I think it's off to a good start, getting to interesting places possibly. Good just as easily get irritatingly stupid and pointless, though, so we'll see how that goes.

I realize I should be working on, well, anything, and the gods know I've a backlog of stuff to get to, but... blah. Soon, hopefully. It'd also be nice to get on with my life, or get my life started really depending on how you look at it, but, life's overrated. I hope.

Anyway, so, yeah, hopefully I'll do something soon. I want to, but at the same time, I don't want to do anything, know what I mean?

Better.

Is it weird that I accept that all of my friends are better than me? This is a realization I came upon a few minutes ago. All of my friends are more successful than me. I am a tag-a-long. A coattail-rider, if you will.

Let me detail some of my friends for you and show you what I mean.

One makes music, great music. Probably the best programmer I've ever heard, definitely the best one I know. She also draws a comic. And does a good job from what I've seen, especially for someone who doesn't really do much visual art.

One is yet another musician, and damn good. A variety of musical projects, numerous songs for each. He's also run a fairly popular podcast.

One makes vids. He likes to say that I'm an equal part of it, but, he's gotta be trying to make me feel better. Or he's fooling himself. Either way, he does most everything, and I help out as much as I am capable. Good way to explain it, he could easily continue without me. There wouldn't be anything if it were just me.

There are dozens of examples, but, I imagine that gets my point across. All of my friends are better than me. But, this doesn't bother me. I'm not brought down by this; I am, in fact, quite happy simply to know them and be their friend. To be a part of their lives.

A coattail-rider.

But, then, what does that say about me?

Neuroses Part One of Infinity

It's currently 2:40 a.m. and I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking.

For many years, I've stood by a very simple idea; although I do not want to die, I am not afraid to die. Sounds all falsely noble and pretentious, but it used to be "I'm not afraid to die", but people interpreted that as being suicidal. So, it had to be amended. With that being said, though, I've been thinking about my own mortality [again], and it's time to change it again.

While I do not want to die, I am not afraid of death, but, I am afraid of dying.

Allow me to explain.

I do not want to die. Simple enough. I feel old, but in truth I am very young and have yet to experience many things in life. I am not prepared to die.

I am not afraid of death. Death itself doesn't worry me, doesn't upset me, and does not frighten me. This comes down to my "spiritual" beliefs, or general lack thereof. I do not believe that there is anything after death. I liken it, in my mind, to never waking up from sleep. I don't realize I'm sleeping while I'm asleep, it's only once I've awoke that this realization occurs to me. I will never realize my own death because there is not waking up from death. But, with that in mind...

I am afraid of dying. It can not be predicted, in truth can not be entirely prepared for. I could go to sleep after posting this and never wake up, and I would never know the difference. Add to this the statistics of accidents, statistical death tolls, and how unrealistic it is for me to consider I am not a part of that, that I've no potential to be a part of those statistics. The rational side of me knows that it's a relatively small chance, given the number of people whom die versus the number of people whom survive, but still... there is that small chance. And thus, I fear dying.

While I'm not sure when it started, exactly, somewhere around the age of at least 13, but no older than 15, I have heavily considered, and generally accepted, the fact that I may not live to see my next birthday. And I long believed that I would probably not reach the age of 20. I'm probably jinxing myself, as I haven't actually made it to 20, but it's looking to more and more likely as the weeks drag on.

Just to throw something at the end of this, my fear of dying ties into my dislike of sleeping, my arachnophobia, and the reason I am not comfortable with the idea of living alone. But I think I've typed enough, as it's now 2:56.

PSP!

Got my PSP today!

The funny story I mention and never go into is that if I had waited instead of pre-ordering it, I could have got a free guide for the game with it from Best Buy. (>_<)

Oh, well.

It also doesn't come with a memory stick, which is bullshit. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the normal PSP's come with memory sticks? Crappy ones, if I recall, but a memory stick nonetheless? Bullshit. Ah, well, looks like I'll be beating God of War: Chains of Olympus without actually saving the game. (>_<)

(^_^)

Haircut! Even made a vid on YouTube about it.

I like it, I like it a lot. (^____^)

Inflammable

Got Indestructible today, and it's a fantastic reminder of why I enjoy Disturbed as much as I do. (^____^)

I'm a Ramblin' Man

So, yep. The Playstation 2's parental settings for DVD's makes no fucking sense and is ultimately useless except as a nuisance.

I'm thinking about starting to shave my legs as well, anybody got any thoughts?

I have a growing list of DVD's that I need to purchase, but I'm in need of a job first... add to that the games list, and I may need two.

Why are there so many jackasses who play vidgames online? Seriously.

Oh, speaking of vidgames and going back to things that make no sense and are useless, the Xbox 360's ability to avoid or prefer a player you've played with makes no sense and is useless.

In happier news, my pre-order of Indestructible, the new album from Disturbed, shipped a day or two ago, and I'm hoping it's soon. There was an issue where they added this $16 tax to my PSP pre-order, which would have been nice to know beforehand, but whatever. So, I put more money into my bank account, and hopefully that'll be the end of that and it'll ship soon.

I can't think of anything else to add right now. Oh! Here's a good way to end:

Mr. Grape, there's a new vid on YouTube.