So who can explain this to me?

You ever have somebody think something about you that you don't understand? And I mean just about everybody. Allow me to elaborate...

So, all through high school everyone thought I was some kind o' bad ass, a nutcase who might flip and shoot up the school at any moment, or both. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure. Let's examine the first one... me being a bad ass. Now, of the two things we're discussing, this is the one I can almost comprehend.

But, I'm not.

It's as simple as that. I'm not, I don't go out of my way looking for fights, hell, I haven't been in a fight since the sixth grade [which I lost, by the way]. But no one would mess with me because they all thought I would kick their ass. WHY?! I mean, no complaints, it kept bullies off my back. Sure, people would make fun of me, but if I heard them they'd go the other way. Now, as I said, I can almost understand this. But, the reasoning seems nonsensical to me. The closest I can figure is that I'm intimidating for some reason [which, as far as I can tell, is true, as a friend of mine told me straight up that I scared her (-_-)]. I don't know why, I look like a faget, what's intimidating about that? I'm gonna run up and fuck 'em in the ass through their jeans? Oh noes, run! Another thing, which is probably helpful with the whole intimidation stuff, since the seventh grade I've been bigger than just about everyone. But, again, I still don't quite get how all that makes me "scary". I'm not! And as far as I can tell it must have started sometime in the 6th or 7th grade, cause I had a habit of not doing stupid shit and not keeping my mouth shut when teachers tried to feed me bullshit. So, I had a lot of detentions and a looooot of time spent in the ISS room [In-School Suspension].

Then, there's the other thing, the belief that I'm a loose cannon and crazy. Again, I'm not. It's illogical to run up in the school shooting everyone cause some pussy-ass motherfuckers made fun of my earrings. It's just plain not good thinkin'. But this one is the most bizarre, because, it must be something about my mannerisms. Further explanation: all through the better part of middle school and high school people thought this about me. Obviously, once it started it just went on each year because it was the same people with the same idea telling anyone else who didn't know me. Fine, so, after I dropped out of high school and started working at the movie theatre, I never really thought about it again. But, I found out recently that the people at work were worried I was gonna get fired cause I was gonna yell at my boss. (o.O) Why? Because they thought he was gonna yell at me, and figured me to be the type o' cat not to take that and yell back at me. Why? I mean, obviously, it's not on the same level as me coming in and shooting up the school, but, it's still pretty damned illogical. That's a sure way to get your ass fired, yellin' at the boss. It's known as insubordination, and I should know, I got written up for it a lot in middle school. So why do they think I'm crazy enough to yell at my boss? As I said, it has got to be something in my mannerisms, or possibly my appearance, because everyone I work with is already in college, or beyond college, so they didn't know me in high school. So, what the hell? What is it about me that is so damned scary?

I dunno I'm just rambling.


-Sixty X Celph